


Cruel Summer

by spideybabeparker



Category: Dean Winchester - Fandom, Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Angst, F/M, SPN - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2020-11-28 00:49:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20957711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideybabeparker/pseuds/spideybabeparker
Summary: Loving him was never easy and you wished that someone else could of stolen your heart. Someone who is wasn’t too afraid of breaking your heart.





	1. I want your midnights

_ **Four Years Ago** _

_Sitting at your dining room table you sipped on your cup of tea listening to Sam and Dean argue about making plans for the night. It was about three hours to midnight and according to Dean he didn’t want to stay cooped up inside on New Years Eve doing research._

_Honestly you could care less about going out. Staying in sounded like a way better option to you personally. The last thing you want to do was go out and be surrounded by a bunch of drunk people. It was pretty cold outside and you didn’t feel like bundling up._

_“Sammy it is New Years Eve we should live a little and go out,” Dean declared._

_“Sweetheart please tell Sammy we need to go out,” Dean said giving you his always charming smirk._

_“I’m not getting involved in a Winchester argument,” you glanced up at them before looking back down at the kitchen table. Your eyes focused on your favorite yellow tea cup that was in your hands._

_“Why don’t you both go out and I can stay home,” Sam says._

_Looking up at Sam you can’t help but glare at him, you hadn’t planned on going out tonight. You sure as hell weren’t dressed for a night out._

_“Darling are you okay with it just being me and you?” Dean asked sitting down at the dining room table next to you. The way his bright green eyes were looking at you, he knew damn well you couldn’t say no to him. Unfortunately saying no wasn’t something you could easily say to Dean._

_“Sure but I need a half hour to get ready,” you sigh._

_“Thanks I’ll be down here waiting for you,” he reached over and took your cup of tea that was sitting in front of you._

_Getting up you headed off to your room. Looking through your closet you tried to find some cute to wear. You pulled out black dress that hugged your breast just right and flared out at your waist to hide your tummy that always made you feel insecure. Looking in your dresser you picked out a cute pair of panties for the hell of it. You knew damn well nobody was going to see them, but you wore them just in case. You also pulled out a pair of black fleece tights. It was a chilly winter night and you were going to need to keep warm while outside. Walking into the bathroom you loosely curled your hair and put on some makeup. Walking back into your bedroom you grabbed a pair of ankle boots and your coat and headed back down stairs to find Dean waiting for you at the kitchen table. He had changed into a dress shirt and tie with a pair of jeans._

_His green eyes seemed to light up at the sight of you, “you look really pretty.”_

_A smile was plastered across your face as you walked towards._

_“Well you two have fun and be safe,” Sam said leaning against the kitchen counter._

_“I’ll take care of her,” Dean states standing up._

_ “(Y/N) do me a favor and make sure Dean doesn’t do anything stupid,” Sam said causing you to let out a little giggle._

_Dean stood in front of you and held his hand out your heart raced as you reached out and took his hand. Since the moment you met Dean Winchester he knocked you off of your feet. You fell for his charm from the moment he smiled at you. As he held your hand he led you out into the cool night air._

_Walking up to his car he opened your door and helped you in before sliding into the drivers side. He drove you down to a local bar he knew shouldn’t be too crowded. As you got out of the car you were surprised when Dean walked over and took your hand again leading you into the bar. It was way more crowded than it usually was. His hand still gripped yours as he led you towards the bar._

_“What do you want to drink?” he asked leaning against the bar._

_“Why don’t you drink tonight, and I can drive?” you say._

_“Darling you never drink, and tonight you should.”_

_You couldn’t argue with him, it was true. Whenever you would go out with the boys you always drove them home if they drank too much. You rarely ever drank, you would much rather stay sober and make sure the boys were safe._

_“I’ll take a whiskey and coke.”_

_“That’s my girl,” he smiled letting go of your hand and leaning against the bar._

_Dean hand you your drink and he led you across the bar. He found a table and you both sat there for a while chatting about random things. As you finish your drink he walked over to the bar and ordered you another and got himself a beer. It was getting closer to midnight and somehow Dean talked you into playing a round of darts. He held your glass as you aimed your darts at the board. Even though you could shoot a monster no problem, and fight off a demon, you were terrible at darts._

_As the dart left your hand and it was way too far from bulls-eye you looked over at Dean who was smiling shaking his head._

_“How are you that terrible at darts?” he asked with a laugh._

_“First of all Dean that’s rude,” you reached forward and poked his chest before taking your glass back. “Darling you can shoot a gun no problem and you’re terrible at this,” he laughed._

_“Well I’m sorry you didn’t train me how to play darts too,” you smiled stepping closer to him._

_“Well my new year’s resolution is to teach you how to not suck at darts,” he was dangerously close to you._

_“Five minutes to midnight,” someone shouted in the bar._

_“Are you gonna throw the dart?” you asked leaning in closer to him._

_“Yeah I’ll show you how it’s done,” he smirked as he turned to throw the darts._

_ You watched intently as he threw both the darts. One hit the bullseye and the second one barely missed the first dart. He stepped back towards you with that same cocky smirk. Your hand gripped your glass of whiskey and brought it up towards your lips. You watched as he slid his tongue across his bottom lip._

_“Is that how it’s done?” you asked lifting your eyebrows._

_“Basically.”_

_Everyone in the bar had started counting down, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5 and Dean stepped even closer to you. Your stomach suddenly felt like a million butterflies were fluttering around. He was an inch away from you and looking down at your was look you hadn’t ever seen him give you before. 4, 3, 2, 1 and without a second thought he placed his hand ever so gently on your cheek and pressed his lips to yours for a sweet kiss. This wasn’t a kiss filled with passion or anything like that. The best way to describe it was sweet. Your skin felt electric as you kissed, pulling his lips away from yours he smiled._

_“I’m glad we spent the night together,” he says lowly before pressing his lips to your nose._

_He managed to leave you utterly speechless. From the moment you met Dean you had a crush on him, and never in your wildest dreams did you think that on New Years Eve you would be sharing a kiss with Dean._

_“Happy New Years Dean,” you said softly._

_“Happy New Years darling.”_

**Present Day**

“Where in the hell is Dean?” Sam asked sitting on the edge of the bed as you were packing up your duffle bag.

“He ditched us last night, Lord only knows where he went,” you groaned. You knew damn well Dean left because he found girl to hook up with. This was your least favorite part about hunting with the boys.

“I told him I wanted to be on the road thirty minutes ago,” Sam complained.

“I’m not shocked he’s late,” you picked up your duffel bag and walked towards the door. You were ready to be back on the road. This mission was a long one and you were drained and ready to be home.

You tossed your duffel bag in the backseat and turned around when you heard someone clear their throat.

“Morning sunshine,” His hands were shoved in his pockets as he was wearing the clothes from the night before.

“You’re late,” you rolled your eyes and crawled into the backseat.

“Who pissed you off this morning?” he asked looking into the backseat.

“Go get Sam I’m ready to go home,” you sighed you weren’t in the mood to play games with him. 

Dean went into the hotel room and grabbed Sam and they both got into the car. Dean managed to get about two miles away from the hotel when he started talking about the redhead he hooked up with the night before. As he went into detail you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. There was nothing quite like listening to the man you were in love with talk about his random hookup from the night before.


	2. something keeps me holding on to nothing

It was your first solo hunt with Sam in a really long time. You were in your hotel room with Sam, you were in the process of cleaning up his cut on his cheek. He was sitting on the edge of his bed.  
“Did you get hurt at all?” Sam asked looking up at you as you stood over him.  
“No think I’m just going to have a pretty bad bruise on my hip,” you reached down and rested your hand on your hip. “That stupid ghost was pretty strong,” you say with soft laugh.  
Dean was back in Kansas handling something and you and Sam went to investigate a case together.   
“You know I’m lucky you didn’t get hurt, because if I took you back home banged up, Dean would kick my ass.”  
Dean had always been protective when it came to you. It was actually pretty annoying sometimes, but you knew he did it just because he cared.   
“Well luckily the crazy ghost only threw me against the wall,” you let out a soft laugh.   
“Did you wanna watch a movie?” Sam asked holding the remote up that he had grabbed from the nightstand.  
“Yeah that would be great, let me just take a shower first,” you gave him a soft smile.   
Grabbing your duffle bag you headed off to the bathroom you and stripped away your clothes you had worn hunting. Your sleeves were stained with Sam’s blood as you attempted to clean his wound. Walking toward the shower you turned on the warm water. Stepping into the water you stood there letting water rinse away the remnants of blood and dirt from your skin. Looking down at your hip you saw the large bruise that was already purple and green. You groaned as you gently touched it. You tried to play off your injury, because you knew how both the boys were when you got hurt.   
After getting out of the shower you dried off and changed into some clean clothes. Walking out of the bathroom you found Sam lounging on the bed. Without a second thought you sat down on the bed next to him.   
Sam was flipping through the channels attempting to find something to watch.   
“Do you ever plan on walking away from this?” You asked looking up at him. It was a question had ask yourself many times before. How long could you actually keep up this lifestyle?  
He shrugged his shoulders, “I mean I used to always want to walk away from hunting, but I don’t know now.”  
You knew about Sam’s dreams when he was younger to lead a normal life and walk away from all of this. Hell at one point he did. He left everything and went to Stanford and fell in love. If it wasn’t for Dean he might want to walk away again.   
“What about you?” he asks.  
“I mean when I was younger I always thought my dreams were to have a family and get married, but I don’t know now. I think I do want to walk away from this sooner than later,” you sighed knowing the real reason you wanted to step away to get some space from Dean.   
“(Y/N) if you want to step away at some point I could help with that,” he reached out resting his hand on your knee.   
“I mean it might be nice to have a job where I don’t have to worry about getting killed,” you say with a soft laugh.  
“I always wanted a family too, but I have seen and done too much bad stuff that the thought having a child brought into this scares me.” You knew first hand about the evil monsters that roamed the earth.  
“You’ve been through a lot Sam,” you sighed knowing some of the terrible nightmares he’s been through.   
“I want at some point for Dean to find someone and settle down, but I don’t think he ever will,” you realized then how truly clueless Sam was to your feelings towards Dean. It was probably for the better that he didn’t know that you were in love with his brother. In an ideal world you wouldn’t be in love with the older Winchester, but unfortunately that’s not how things were.  
As the night went on you stopped talking about Dean, and walking away from it all. You just laid in on Sam’s bed with him watching shows on tv. As your eyes started growing heavy you crawled out of Sam’s bed and went to your bed. It wasn’t long before you were sound asleep.   
-&-  
When morning came you and Sam started driving back home. Luckily your hunt wasn’t too far away from home. Six hours later you arrived back at your house and you weren’t shocked to see Dean’s impala sitting in your driveway. With your duffle bag over your shoulder you walked inside with Sam trailing behind you. Walking into your kitchen you found Dean sitting at your kitchen table eating a sandwich. It was times like this you questioned why you let him have a key to your house. Sitting his sandwich down he smiled at the sight of you and Sam.   
“I see you raided my fridge,” you stated as you set your duffle bag down.   
“I came by to see how the hunt went,” Dean said before taking another bite of his sandwich.   
“It went great you,” you gave him your best fake smile before walking towards the fridge to find something to drink.   
“Is it cool if I shower?” Sam asks.  
“Yeah go for it,” you respond.  
“What happened to Sammy’s cheek?” Dean asked walking into the kitchen behind you.   
“He got thrown into a window by a pissed off ghost,” you stated reaching into the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water.   
He leaned against the counter and gave you a concerned look, “did anything happen to you?”  
You knew you should tell him you were thrown into a wall that you had a pretty bad bruise but instead you lied, “nothing, I burned her bones before anything bad could happen.”  
“Okay I’m glad you came back in one piece. It looks like I won’t be kicking Sammy’s ass today ,” he smirks the same smirk that always seemed to give you butterflies.   
“I’m fine Dean, I’m always okay,” it was a lie you were never actually okay. You just put on a fake smile and pretended to be.   
“That’s my girl,” he pushed himself off the counter and walked back towards the table. “Did you want to go out to the bar tonight?” he asked.   
“I don’t know. I’m still tired from the hunt you should see if Sam wants to go with you,” you couldn’t go through another night of watching him flirt with random girls. You just needed a night in by yourself relaxing. You want the night alone to try to push the thoughts of Dean Winchester from your mind.


	3. what doesn’t kill me makes me want you more

One moment you were holding shot gun trying to hold off a demon while Dean was attempting to exorcise them. Then next thing you knew another demon attempted to stab you before Sam could take them out. You were thrown against a brick wall and hit your head before falling to the ground.   
Laying on the cold concrete you held your side gasping in pain. You felt nauseous and dizzy as you laid there trying your hardest to apply pressure to the deep cut on your side.   
Closing your eyes you groaned in pain. You had been banged up quite a few times but you hadn’t ever been cut quite this deep. You had practically been stabbed, and you were terrified this could be really bad. Instinctively your body started curling up to try to fight off some of the pain.   
Your ears were ringing and you weren’t sure if that was the pain or if you had a concussion from hitting your head.   
You heard someone mumbling your name over and over and you opened your eyes to see Dean standing over you with a terrified expression on his face. Even through your slightly blurred vision you could tell he was scared.  
“Sweetheart are you okay?” he says as he pushed your hair away from your face.  
Blinking a few times you tried to focus on Dean.  
“I think I need stitches.”  
Without saying word Dean looked down at your side that was covered in blood. You hadn’t seen this look of fear on Dean’s face in a long time.   
“I’m okay Dean,” you aren’t sure if you are okay though.   
“Sam we need to stitch her up,” Dean shouted.   
Dean bent down and picked up your overly curvy body and carried you bridal style. It must have been the adrenaline pumping through his veins because he carried you like you didn’t weigh much.   
“Apply pressure to your side,” he said leaning down so his lips were brushing against your temple. Wrapping your arm across your stomach you applied pressure to the deep cut.  
Sam sprinted over to the impala and quickly got into the driver’s seat. Dean sat in the back with you in his lap as he applied pressure to your side. Your head was resting on his chest, you still felt dizzy as Dean held you close to him. You couldn’t help but wonder if this was how you were going to die. How ironic would it be to die in the arms of the man you loved, and he didn’t even return your feelings?  
“Sweetheart are you still with me?” Dean asks with his lips against your hair.   
“Yeah I’m fine,” you mumbled attempting to act like you didn’t think you were dying. You were trying your hardest to be brave.   
Pulling up to the hotel Sam opened the car door and pulled you out of Dean’s lap like it was nothing. He carried you into the hotel room and laid you down on the bed.  
“I swear to god, if you die on me I’m never going to forgive you,” Dean said trying to stay calm as he lifted up your shirt to look at the deep gash.   
“I haven’t lost that much blood, and it’s just cut,” you said with a soft chuckle attempting to downplay the situation.  
His eyes locked on yours and he had that same look of fear in his eyes, “I’m serious you can’t die.”  
You looked over at Sam who seemed just as scared, “just stitch me up boys, I’m okay.”  
Dean rushed off over to Sam’s bag and grabbed first aid stuff.   
Bending back down he pushed your hair away from your face and gave you a sad smile. He was looking at you like you might die and you hated that.   
“Sweetheart I’m gonna have you bite down on my belt and I’ll stitch you up,” he stood up and pulled off his belt quickly and folded it over before handing it to you.   
“Sam can you hold my hand?” You knew that this was going to hurt pretty badly without anything to numb it.  
Sam nodded and sat down on the bed next to you. You gripped Sam’s larger hand as Dean cleaned your deep cut with the dark liquor you had in your room.   
“I need you to take slow deep breaths,” Dean said attempting to keep you calm as he placed the needle against your skin.  
You bit down on the belt as he started to stitch up your side. It was just as painful as you remembered and if it wasn’t for the Dean’s belt you might or screamed out in pain. You hand squeezed Sam’s in pain as tears started sliding down your cheeks. After Dean finished stitching you up you laid in the bed still in pain. The cut was deeper than you thought it was. You were told by the boys that you couldn’t sleep for a couple hours because you were most likely concussed.   
Sam left to go get everyone something to eat and went to find you some pain medicine.   
The room was quiet with only the sound of the rattling air conditioner. Dean was sitting on the edge of the other bed, you could feel his eyes burning a hole into you.   
Looking over at him you gave him a sad smile. You felt bad that you had put Sam and him through this.   
“You were so fucking reckless back there,” he groans with his face resting in his hands.  
You close your eyes groaning, you knew you weren’t getting out of this hotel room without a lecture from Dean.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“I don’t know what I would do if died,” his face was still in his hands. His voice was slightly shaky. If you didn’t know any better you would swear he was holding back tears.  
“Dean I’m not dead, I wasn’t that close to dying. You and Sam have been way closer to dying since I started hunting with you,” you knew your injuries were pretty bad but you were still trying to downplay them.  
“Maybe you shouldn’t hunt with us for a while, maybe you should stay home.”  
The fact that he wants you to stop hunting pisses you off to no end. You hated that he was treating you like you were made of glass.  
“That is a bunch of bullshit, this is the first time I have ever really gotten hurt. You can’t send me home packing because I got hurt one time.”  
He stands up and paces for a moment, you can tell how frustrated and scared he is, “I can’t focus if I’m too worried about you getting hurt.”  
“Dean last time I check you’re the one who has died before, not me,” you thought this conversation was absolutely ridiculous.  
“I’m serious that maybe you should take some time off,” he stopped pacing for a moment and looked down at you with sad eyes.  
“Dean I’m not in the mood to fight with you, okay. I understand you’re worried about me, and Dean you aren’t the only one who worries. I like hunting with you because I know both of you are safe.”  
Dean sat down on the bed again and took a deep breath. He opened his mouth to speak but he didn’t say anything he just stared at your silently. Moments later Sam walked in carrying a bag of food.   
Sam handed you a burger and some pain meds. You all ate your dinner and you and Dean didn’t say anything else to each other you occasionally you would just exchange glances. After a few hours Sam said you could get some sleep. It wasn’t long before your eyes grew heavy and you fell asleep.  
Around three in the morning you woke up needing to use the restroom. Sitting up slowly you look over at Dean who was wide awake sitting up on the couch that was in the room. His eyes were locked on like he was watching you.  
“Have you slept at all?” you asked before letting out a yawn.  
He shook his head, “nope I wanted to keep an eye on you. I’ll sleep on the way home and let Sam drive.”  
“I”m sorry for worrying you,” you slowly stood up and groaned in pain holding your side. Walking off to the bathroom you splash some water on your face before using the restroom. Walking back into the room you found Dean laying on the bed you had been sleeping in. Silently you crawled back into bed laying on your back. Looking over at Dean who was laying on his side staring at you.  
“Do you mind if I lay here?”  
Shaking your head you whispered, “no.”  
He reached over and took your hand in his and gently squeezed it, “I’m sorry for being an asshole, I thought I was going to lose you today.”  
“You didn’t lose me today,” you whispered flipping his hand over. You traced your finger gently across his calloused palm. For a long moment he just laid there watching as you slowly traced random shapes on his palm.  
After you stopped tracing shapes on his skin he held your hand until you fell asleep. The small moment you had shared left you conflicted it was clear to you that you were still very much in love with him, and it was clear that you were important to him, but most likely didn’t feel the same way.


	4. I cried like a baby in the back of the car

A month had passed since you had gotten hurt. Your side was fully healed and you were out on another hunt with the boys. All of you were back at the hotel and you were taking a shower. You had to hike up a mountain to find a missing bones, and had been covered in mud.  
After showering you change and walk back into the room you found the boys talking about some bar down the road.  
“Darling we’re going out for some drinks,” Dean clapped his hands together.   
“Why?” you knit your eyebrows together and looked at him. You just got back from a long day and you just wanted to lay around and take it easy.  
“Because we all deserve a drink,” he smiled as Sam shook his head.  
“Okay I guess I’ll put on my cute ankle boots,” you walked over to your duffle bag.   
“I told you Sammy, she would be down to drink,” he patted Sam on the back.  
“I was hoping you were going to say no,” Sam looked over at you with an annoyed look. You could tell he was just as tired as you.  
“Sorry,” you respond.  
Heading out outside you leaned against the impala waiting for the boys, somehow they were both taking longer to get ready than you. A couple minutes later the boys walked outside. You crawled into the backseat and Dean drove to the bar you guys to the bar.   
As you and the two boys walked inside, Dean walked over to the bar and ordered all three of you drinks while you walked over with Sam to an empty booth. Dean walked back over to the booth holding three bottles of beer. He sat with you two for about ten minutes before he started making eyes at some skinny blonde at the bar. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath as you watched him walk over to her. This is how things always went when you went to the bar with him. Dean was extremely predictable when it came to hitting on women.   
As you watched him flirt with the blonde you chugged your beer and asked Sam to get you a whiskey and coke. You were going to need something strong to get through this night. Sam went over to the bar and returned holding your drink. You were getting tired of watching Dean hook up with random girl after random girl.  
About an hour later you were on your third drink. Sam has sat with you until you walked over to the bar where a handsome man with a beard walked over to you. He introduced himself and told you his name is Hank. He’s charming and handsome from the moment he introduces himself to you. It was rare a man would hit on you, especially when you were out with the boys.   
“Can I get you something to drink?” Hank asks leaning against the bar in front of you.  
“Maybe in a little while I’m still working on this one,” you smiled holding up the glass that Sam had bought you.   
“I need to know before I get my hopes up, are you single?” Hank asks.   
Your eyes moved to the other side of the bar when Dean was leaning in close to the pretty girl making her giggle like a schoolgirl.   
“Single,” you hesitantly say.   
“How’s a pretty girl like you single?” That was a loaded question and Hank didn’t really want to know the answer.   
“I travel a lot with work,” technically it wasn’t a lie you just left out that your job was hunting monsters.  
Looking back over to the other side of the bar you found Dean kissing the blonde and you suddenly felt sick to your stomach.   
“I’ll take that drink,” you state before chugging what was left of your whiskey and coke.   
“Okay honey,” he smiles.  
As Hank walks over to the bar near the bartender, you looked over at the booth to see Sam was sitting with a pretty girl. It was rare to see him flirting with a random girl. He was normal the person that stays with you while Dean hits on women.  
The handsome man walked closer to you with a drink in hand for you.   
“Here you go honey,” you grabbed the whiskey and coke he had gotten you.  
You stood there for about thirty minutes flirting with the Hank. He had managed to buy you another drink and the alcohol was starting to make you feel all warm and fuzzy. Your cheeks were starting to flush pink and your insides felt all warm. It was so nice to have a man seem so interested in you.  
“Honey what do you think about us getting out of here?” His hand is resting on your arm as he stood close to you.   
Before you could even respond you saw Dean walking towards you.  
“Step away buddy you aren’t taking advantage of drunk girl,” Dean grips the Hank’s shoulder pulling him back from you.  
“Hey dude what’s your issue?” Hank say putting his hands up.  
“My issue is you trying to take advantage of drunk girl,” Dean pokes him in the chest and Hank stepped back.  
“I think it’s up to her if she wants to go home with me,” Hank states.  
Dean glares at him and then looked over at letting you know you need to tell this guy to leave. You hate that you feel like you need to listen to Dean.  
“Thank you for the drinks Hank,” you say softly feeling pretty embarrassed that Dean just scared him away.   
“Alright have fun with this asshole,” Hank says before walking away.  
Hank walks far away from both of you and left you with Dean standing in front of you protectively.  
“What was that about?” You ask completely annoyed at Dean for ruining everything that was going on with Hank. It was extremely rare that you had a man hit on you while you were out.  
“He was trying to take advantage of you,” he tilts his head to the side and gives you a knowing look.  
“That’s a bunch of bullshit,” you reach out to poke his chest but before you could make contact he grabs your hand stopping you. “Dean why do you have to get in the way of me getting laid?” you ask as he took your arm leading you away. This was his attempt at getting you out of the public bar so you don’t make a drunken scene.   
“I’m saving you from some creep who is trying to take advantage of you being drunk,” he states as he leads you out of the bar.  
“That doesn’t seem fair,” you pout.  
“Life’s not fair darling,” he says as you both walk outside.   
“Dean I never get in the way of you getting laid, why do you get to control who I sleep with,” you ask as you stopped in front of the impala.  
He didn’t respond he just looked at you.  
“Dean you don’t get to have it both ways. You’ve done nothing but confuse the hell out of me. One second you’re yelling at me for getting hurt, and the next thing I knew you’re holding my hand telling me you’re sorry,” your eyes start to brim as you were finally getting to drunkenly admit everything that had been building up inside you for years. “You know how much I hate watching you hook up with women across the country. You don’t understand what it’s like for me. All you do is give me emotional whiplash, especially after New Years,” tears start sliding down your cheek.  
He tensed up as he listens to you drunkenly ramble on, “we can’t talk about New Years.”  
It was a simple statement shattered your heart into a million pieces.  
“I want to go home,” you say as you fought back sobbing.   
Silently he nodded and takes a deep breath as you reached for the door handle. You slide into the back seat and Dean walks back into the bar. Resting your head against the window tears slide down your cheeks, you try your hardest to stop crying but you can’t.   
Dean and Sam walks towards the car and you could tell Sam has no clue what had just happened between you and Dean.   
Sam got into the passenger and Dean slides into the driver's seat. As you drove down the road you felt like a fool for being drunk in the back of the car crying over a man who didn’t love you. Sam noticed something was wrong because he turned around and asked, “Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine,” you lie. You were anything but fine. You were a heartbroken mess.   
Dean glanced up in the rearview mirror and gripped the steering wheel tighter knowing that this was his fault. You were walking a fine line together and Dean was getting closer and closer to falling. After tonight he knew where you stood, and you had no clue where his mind was.  
The moment Dean turns off the car you quickly got out. You wanted to get away from him, but unfortunately you were sharing a room with the boys.   
Sam opens the door and you rush into the room and grab your night clothes and go straight to the bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror tears kept sliding down your cheeks, you hate that you can’t stop crying. You get dressed in your pajamas and wash your face. You head back into the room and found both the boys laying in their bed. Without a word you crawl into your bed and lay on your side staring at the wall. You were embarrassed and heartbroken a tear filled combination.   
You drift off to sleep for a little while. When you woke up in the middle of the night you turn over to find Dean still awake and looking at you.  
His green eyes were sad as he looks over at you before whispering, “I’m sorry.”  
You couldn’t even think of anything to say you just roll back over turning your back to him.


	5.  I wish you remembered what we’re fighting for

The next morning you wake up feeling sick to your stomach. You weren’t sure if it was because you were hung over or heartbroken. Laying on your side you stared at the tacky orange wallpaper that was on the wall.   
You heard Sam tell Dean he was going to the diner down the street to get you some breakfast. You knew Dean was still in the room but you weren’t ready to talk him. Your drunken conversation with him from last night was still burned into your memory.   
Silently you crawl out of bed not even looking over at the other bed. Heading towards the bathroom you grabbed you duffle bag and headed straight towards the bathroom it bothering to look back. You can’t even bring yourself to look at him yet.  
Once in the bathroom you shut and locked the door and leaned against it and took a deep breath.   
You turned on the shower letting the water warm up, as you stripped away your clothes. You still felt nauseous and your head was pounding.   
Stepping into the shower you rested your forehead against the cool tile hoping it would help relieve your headache. Suddenly nothing felt the same in your life. You finally confessed how you were feeling to Dean and you honestly wish you could of taken back everything you had said. You felt like such a fool for drunkenly admitting everything.  
You showered for about ten minute before getting out. Grabbing a towel you dried off your overly curvy body before pulling on the comfiest clothes you packed, a pair of legging and an oversized sweater. Walking out into the room you found Dean sitting on the edge of bed waiting for you. Sitting your duffle bag on the table by the window you took a deep breath before turning to face Dean. Slowly you walk over sitting across from him knowing that you needed to talk.   
Sitting on the edge of the bed you stare at each other for a long moment. You hadn’t ever heard silence quite this loud.   
“I’m sorry about last night,” he says finally speaking up.  
“It’s fine,” you lied it wasn’t fine.   
“I make stupid calls when it comes to you,” his green eyes were locked on yours.   
“What is that even supposed to mean,” you knit your eyebrows together as looked at him.  
“You’re with me all the time and it confuses me. I’m so worried about protecting you that I know I’m pushing you away without even trying.”  
“You don’t have to protect me,” you walked over to your duffle back looking for hair ties.  
“I do though. Sam and I need you, and I can’t make stupid calls when it comes to you. I need you in my life.”  
“So was New Years Eve four years ago a stupid call?” you asked thinking back to the butterflies he gave you as he kissed you.  
“We can’t talk about New Years Eve, I can’t let Sam find out about that night,” he sighed as he reached up rubbing his face. He seems suddenly so conflicted.  
It pissed you off so much that he was so worried about Sam knowing about that night. It also broke your heart that he obviously regretted that night. It was one of the best nights of your life and it was obvious he didn’t feel the same way.   
“Why are you worried about Sam finding out about that night?” You needed to know why he was so worried about his brother finding out.   
“Because I already know that he’s going to kick my ass for it.”  
Your eyebrows knit together as you looked at him, “why?”  
“Because Sam has told me not to hurt you, that I need to leave you  
alone.”  
“Why does Sam think you’ll hurt me?” you needed to know.  
“Because he knows how I am,” he stood up and stared at you as you stood by the table. You also knew how Dean was, but that didn’t stop you from falling in love with him. You had witnessed first hand watching him sleep his way across the country, but that did nothing to deter you from falling in love with him.  
You were trying your hardest not to cry again. Dean didn’t deserve anymore of your tears. Taking a deep breath you stepped away from him. You didn’t want to have this conversation anymore. It was clear Dean didn’t return your feelings and for self preservation you needed to step away.  
“I can’t do this right now,” you grabbed your boots and quickly pulled them on before rushing out of the hotel room.   
You heard him shout your name as you took off jogging away from the hotel room, but you couldn’t dare look back at him.  
You took a walk around the block hoping the fresh air would help clear your mind. At this point you would give anything not to have to ride home with Dean. The thought of sitting in the backseat of the impala once again made you heart hurt even more.  
As you walked through the small town you found a park that’s covered in large dresses.. You walked along a path until you found a bench to sit on. You sat there for about a half hour when a similar face walked up. Sam had his hands shoved in his pockets as he walked over and sat on the bench next to you. Your arms were wrapped around your curvy stomach as Sam silently sat next to you.   
“What did Dean say to piss you off?”   
Glancing over at him you gave him a sad smile, “he scared off the guy I was talking to last night.”  
You didn’t want Sam to know all the details that were said between you and Dean. You would prefer to never repeat them again.  
“You know he’s just protective of you because he cares about you, right?” Sam places his arm over your shoulder and pulled you close to him.   
“I don’t know if that’s true,” you whispered, knowing that he didn’t feel the same way about that you did for him.   
“You know you mean the world to us right?” You looked up at him and found him smiling at you.   
You weren’t sure how you could walk away from Sam. He’s your best friend and your rock, but you couldn’t keep hunting with them and being around Dean nonstop. You had to walk away to attempt to save yourself and to try to fix your broken heart. You didn’t have the heart to tell Sam you were heartbroken and couldn’t keep this up.   
“We should probably head back. I have food waiting for you to help with your hangover,” he said standing up.   
Walking back to the hotel you thought about your last two conversation you had with Dean. Each one made you realize even more that being in love with Dean Winchester did nothing but cause you heartbreak.   
As you arrived back at the hotel you went inside to grab your duffle bag and found Dean sitting on the bed almost as if he was waiting for you. You couldn’t even bring yourself to look at him you walked right over to the table and grabbed your duffle bag and headed out to the car.   
Dean POV  
As I watched her walk back into the room I looked up at her and she glanced my way for a brief second before she quickly looked away. It was clear she really couldn’t even look at me. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach that the girl that I cared for deeply couldn’t even stand the sight of me. From the moment I met her my life had suddenly seemed to revolve around her. I would give my life to keep her safe. Hell I was pretty sure she was the only reason Sam and I were still alive.   
She somehow managed to take up all thoughts in my mind and that was the problem. Somebody like me didn’t deserve someone like her. She was the type of person who felt like sunshine on a rainy day.   
I was reckless when it came to her, New Years Eve was the perfect example of that. I kissed at midnight because it had been something I had wanted to do for a long time. I foolishly kissed her and brushed it off like it was nothing. I had to act that way because I could never give he all the things she deserved.   
She’s a good person who didn’t fit the bill as a hunter. I wasn’t sure why she even stuck around with Sammy and I.   
Maybe if she didn’t keep hunting with us I wouldn’t have to worry about losing her. That night she was stabbed by the demon will forever be carved into my mind. The sight of her lying on the concrete bloody is never going to leave my mind. As I held her in the back of the car, I thought she was going to take her final breath in my arms.  
If I ever lost her I’m not even sure what I would do. I’m pretty sure I lost her now.   
My eyes locked on her curvy body as he rushed out of the hotel room obviously trying to avoid talking to me. Standing up I grabbed my duffle bag and walked out to the car and hand Sammy the keys. I was going to try to get some sleep, I spent most of the night wide awake watching her.   
As we drove through the town she was in the backseat eating the breakfast burrito Sam had gotten her. I kept glancing up into the rear view mirror checking on her.   
Since she stormed out of the hotel room she hadn’t said a word to me and I wasn’t surprised. I wouldn’t be shocked if she never said another word to me at this point.   
I was very aware that I didn’t deserve her and she didn’t deserve to deal with me. Even if I didn’t deserve her it didn’t stop me from feeling things for her I shouldn’t feel.


	6. something keeps me holding on to nothing

As you arrived home the boys went to your house. You excused yourself going straight to your room. After the last twenty four hours you needed a break from Dean. Sitting on your bed you just stared at the wall. You thanked your lucky stars that you had your own home away from the boys and their bunker. At the moment you needed all the space you could get from Dean. Everything that had unfolded between you had left you feeling like heartbroken mess.  
The sound of someone knocking on your door caught your attention. You prayed that Sam was on the other side but you knew you couldn’t be that lucky.   
“Come in,” you say softly.  
The door slowly opened and Dean steps in. He shuts the door behind himself and leans against the pale yellow painted wood. You stared at him with a sad look. You can’t even bring yourself to smile if you even try. Just staring at him seemed to break your heart even more. You were such a fool to fall in love with him.   
“What do you want Dean?” You ask speaking up.   
“Sam told me I need to talk to you or he’s gonna break my nose,” he walked over towards your dresser and picked up the locket you used to wear all the time.   
“I gave you this for your birthday four years ago,” he said as he sat it down back on the dresser gently.   
“I used to wear it all the time but I’m so scared of it getting broken I don’t wear it hunting anymore,” you said thinking back to the birthday when he surprised you with it. Dean never seemed like the type of man to buy a women jewelry and when he surprised you with the locket you swear you fell more in love with him. It was little things like that made you fall in love with him. You would never forget the first time he called you darling, or the first time he pushed a piece of your hair behind your ear. There were a list of a million reasons that you fell for him.  
“I’m sorry about the bar and everything,” a conflicted look played across his face as he spoke.  
“What exactly are you sorry for you?” you asked as you played with the sleeves of your sweater nervously.   
“For confusing you,” he paused looking down at the ground. “For New Years…” he stopped and looked at you with that same conflicted look and suddenly you felt your blood boil. Of course he saw New Years as nothing more than a mistake. Why would he ever want to be with a girl like you. He could have any woman he wanted why would he settle for you. You aren’t the type of girl who was supposed to be with Dean. He had an obvious type, and you didn’t fit that mold by any means.  
“I don’t know why I was such a goddamn idiot to fall in love with you. Why couldn’t I have fallen in love with Sam, maybe I wouldn’t have to watch him sleep his way across the country.” That was the first time you had ever admitted out loud that you were in love with Dean. You had known for a long time you were but you never admit it out loud. You felt sick to your stomach as you stared at him. The look he was giving you was a dead give away he didn’t feel the same way.  
“I don’t mean to hurt you, but we both know you don’t want to get involved with me,” the way he was looking at you, you could tell that he’s hurting. That doesn’t help your heart break any.  
“You’re such a fucking coward,” you couldn’t help but let out almost an ironic chuckle. Of course the man who stole your heart didn’t feel the same way. Your eyes brimmed with tears as you shake your head.  
“I’m trying to keep you safe,” he stepped closer to you and you just continue to shake your head. You didn’t want to listen to his excuses.   
“Oh god I wish I wasn’t in love with you,” you groaned as tears start sliding down your cheeks.  
“I care about you so much and I wish I could give you everything you deserve, but we both know that’s a bad idea.”  
“You know what just leave. Tell Sam I’m taking a break for a while.” You couldn’t hang around and travel with them and pretend you weren’t in love with him. You’re done hiding your feelings, you can’t handle the heartbreak anymore.  
“Come on please don’t do that,” he pleaded.   
“Dean I value myself too much to keep doing this. I’ll start traveling when I’ve gotten over you, and seeing you doesn’t break my heart,” tears continue to fall down your cheek.   
“Sweetheart I care about you more than anyone on this planet. If i say those words back to you I’m gonna do nothing but break your heart,” he stood by the door almost begging you not to give up on him.   
You wanted to scream at him to stop being a goddamn coward. If he felt the same he needed to let you know because you can’t handle this feeling anymore. He broke your heart into a million pieces.   
“You have already broken my heart so it can’t hurt much worse than this.”  
He started pacing like he wasn’t sure what he wanted to say to you, “I’m sorry.”  
“Dean you’ve gotten too good at saying your sorry.”  
He stared at your for a long moment before walking out of your room.   
**Dean POV**  
Just like that I lost her. I lost her because I was too afraid of giving her what she deserved. I lost her because I wasn’t man enough to fight for us.   
I fought back tears as I stood outside her bedroom. I can’t bring myself to walk away. I just stand there staring at her bedroom door. I reach out and rest my hand on the pale yellow wood, fighting the urge to knock and beg her to let me back in.  
I know she’s done with me and she barricade the door, before she’ll let me back in. She made it extremely clear she can’t handle being around me, and I don’t blame her at all.  
I took a deep breath before walking into the kitchen where Sam was sitting.   
“She needs a break from us,” was all I could think to say to him. How was I supposed to tell my brother that she was in love with me and she wished she wasn’t, that’s she wished she would have fallen in love with him instead of me? How was I supposed to tell him that I broke his best friend’s heart? That the only person I cared about wished she didn’t love me. Hell I wish she didn’t love me because, then I wouldn’t of just broke her hurt heart because I’m scared.  
“Is she okay?” Sam asked with a concerned look plastered across his face.   
I slowly nodded, “Yeah she just needs time to relax and take a break from everything.”  
It wasn’t a lie she needed a break from me. She needed time to move on from me.  
“Oh okay. I mean when we went hunting a couple months ago she told me she wanted to walk away sooner or later.”  
I wasn’t shocked that she had told Sam that she wanted to walk away from all of this. He was probably clueless that she meant she wanted to get away from me.   
“I guess it’s just us again for a while Sammy.”  
I wasn’t sure how I could go back to it just being Sam and I. She held a place in my life and I wasn’t ready for her not be around all the time.   
**YOU POV**  
Looking out the window you watch as the impala drives away from you house. You can’t help the tears that haven’t stopped sliding down your cheeks. You thought once you were finally alone you be okay, but it was the opposite. You couldn’t seem to stop crying. Reaching up you pushed the tears away from your round cheeks.  
Walking off to your bathroom that’s connected to your room you thought taking a bubble bath might help get your mind off of everything. You turn the warm water on and plug the drain on the bathtub. Stepping away you strip away your clothes. Standing in your bathroom completely bare you stare in the mirror and your eyes automatically go to the scar on your side. The stitches were gone, but you were left with a decent sized scar. Your fingers glide across the scarred skin and you close your eyes. You still remember the way Dean stared at you while you laid on the cold concrete holding your wound. You can still feel his touch as he held you in the back seat of the impala.   
Opening your eyes you shake away the thoughts of Dean. Reaching under the sink you grab a lavender scented bath bomb you’ve been saving. Dropping the purple bath bomb into the water you watch it fizz for a moment before stepping into the warm water.  
The warm water engulfs your body as you lean back closing yours eyes. The tears continued to slide down your cheek. For some reason your mind can’t seem to think of anything other than Dean, and that isn’t helping your broken heart.   
It’s becoming very obvious that Dean Winchester isn’t someone who you can easily get over.


	7. I have to breathe without you

How do you get over someone who was never really yours? It was a question you asked yourself as each day that passes by, but the heartbreak still felt the same. Moving on from Dean wasn’t going to be easy. You knew that, Dean had been in your life for seven years and this was the first time in a very long time that you weren’t hunting with the boys. 

Being alone felt like something was missing in your life. You weren’t sure how you were supposed to go through your day without talking to the boys. Stepping away from Dean also meant stepping away from Sam, and that hurt just as much. Sam’s you’re best friend and there isn’t a day in the last seven years you hadn’t at least heard his voice.

The first day after you told Dean you needed a break you stayed in bed crying more often than you care to admit. You cried so much you didn’t think you had any tears left in you to cry. You felt completely heartbroken and empty/

Day two you spent most of the day in bed but forced yourself to get up and shower. You told yourself over and over that you couldn’t just stay in bed crying. You were stronger than this, you needed to get out of bed. Showering felt like it took all your energy, and you couldn’t lie to yourself you found yourself standing under the water crying once again. 

Day three is the day you forced yourself to get out of the house. You drove into town to get some groceries. You walked around the store aimlessly attempting to distract yourself and keep your mind busy. 

Day four you spend at home not wanting to go out again. It felt as if the cycle was starting all over again.

On day seven you finally called Sam back after he left a voicemail telling you if your didn’t call him back he would be to your house in two hours. Lying through your teeth you told him you had lost your phone. You told him you thought you left it in the back of the impala. You could tell he didn’t fully believe you. If you kept ignoring his call Sam was going to be knocking on your front door sooner than later. 

On day thirteen you received a text from someone unexpected. 

**Dean: I miss you. **

His text went unanswered. 

On day seventeen Sam knocked on your front door. You were eating breakfast and drinking a cup of coffee when you heard him call your name. Standing up you prayed he was alone. You weren’t anywhere near ready to see Dean. Your heart raced as you slowly opened the front door. You found Sam standing on your porch alone with a concerned look on his face. You knew he was worried about you and it was probably good that he did. 

He stayed for breakfast and asked you how you were doing, and once again you lied and said “fine.”

He didn’t believe you but he said, “okay.”

He told you all about they hunt him and Dean had just gotten back from, they took out a nest of vampires in Montana. You couldn’t help but feel nervous about them haunting without you. You know they don’t need you, but you just feel safer knowing you’re there.

“I miss having you travel with us,” he said as he hugged you goodbye. 

On day twenty you received another text from Dean. 

**Dean: I heard Sammy went and saw you. **

This text also went unanswered. 

On day twenty-six you thought about attempting to find a normal job. After looking online for two hours you knew this wasn’t the end of you hunting. You weren’t nearly ready to fully walk away.

On day twenty-seven another text came through. This time in the middle of the night. 

**Dean: I can’t sleep anymore. I could barely sleep before, but it’s impossible to sleep knowing I lost you. **

That text almost received a response but before you hit send on a message that read “I miss you,” you deleted it. You just couldn’t bring yourself to send the text.

On day twenty-nine another text came was received in the middle of the night. 

**Dean: how long do I have to wait to see you?**

You couldn’t sleep and the sound of your phone vibrating on the nightstand caught your attention. You held your phone staring at the text for probably an hour. How do you tell him you don’t know if you could ever move on? That a part of you was always going to love him.

**Dean POV**

The first day she was gone I was in denial that I had really messed up to let her slip away. I was foolish to think that I wasn’t going to hurt her sooner then later. I never intended to hurt her. I just thought I was protecting or doing what was going to save her from getting her heartbroken, but instead I broke her heart and most likely made her hate me. 

Day thirteen was the first time I messaged her. I knew damn well she wasn’t going to respond but I just needed her to know I missed her. I hadn’t ever really missed anyone like I missed her. 

On day eighteen Sam told me he saw her. I wanted to ask him a million questions but I couldn’t. I couldn’t let him know that she was gone because of me. I think Sam had a pretty good idea that something had happened between us, but he never asked me about it. I think he was waiting for me to tell him what happened. 

On day twenty I texted her again and once again she didn’t respond. Whenever I texted her I would watch my phone for what felt like hours praying that she would respond, but I knew damn well she wouldn’t. 

On day twenty-seven I couldn’t sleep and I while I was lying in bed awake all I could think about was her. All I really thought about now was her. She seemed to take up all the thoughts in my mind. So I texted her letting know that I couldn’t sleep knowing I let her slip away. 

On day twenty-nine she finally responded. 

**Y/N: I’m not ready.**

I stared at that text until Sam called me telling me we needed to head down to Texas to take on werewolf who had been killing people. 

Hunting was the only thing that distracted me. I needed to keep myself distracted while I waited for her to talk to me again. 

On day thirty-seven I was parked outside her house wondering if I knocked if I would let her in. I saw her walk past the window and it made me miss her even more than I already did. I drove to her house hoping I could just see her for a moment. I didn’t stay parked outside her place too long I knew she would reach out to me at some point.

On day forty Sam came into my room. 

“What the fuck happened between you and her?” Sam asked the question I had been waiting for him to ask me for forty days. 

It was time for me to finally own up to all my mistakes and man up. Sam deserved to know what had unfolded between his best friend and me.


	8. this is the last time I let you in my door

It was a warm afternoon as you sat in the kitchen while drinking a cup of tea. You started your morning by once again looking in the internet contemplating find a real job. Once again you changed your mind before you could even think about applying for one.   
The sound of someone knocking on your door caught your attention. You weren’t sure who was knocking. You assumed that it was probably Sam coming to check on you. Opening the front door you were shocked to see Dean standing on your porch. His hands were shoved in his pockets as he gave you a sad smile.   
Looking at him left you feeling conflicted. Part of you was mad that you were clearly still in love with him, and you felt this odd sense of relief that he was standing in front of you.   
Silently you stared at him not even sure what to say to him. Your last message you had sent to him said you weren’t ready. You weren’t sure if you were ready for this conversation.   
“Hi,” he waved awkwardly.   
“Hi,” your tone was soft.   
“I know you said you aren’t ready to see me but I need to put my ass on the line here and tell you how I feel,” stepped towards you.   
“Okay,” you stepped aside and he walked into your house.   
You sat back down at your kitchen table and picked up your cup of coffee.   
He stood in front of the kitchen table and stared at you.   
“This is the longest I have gone not seeing you, since I met you,” he said speaking up.   
Your hands gripped your coffee cup feeling unsure of what might be said.   
“I know I fucked up. I’m aware I might have lost you because I’m not man enough to tell you I love. I need you to know that I do love you sweetheart and I would lay my life down for you, but I’m so scared of losing you. Too many people I have loved have gotten hurt because of me. I’m putting myself on the line and telling you that I love you, and I regret how everything has played out between us. I should have been man enough long ago to fight you, but I’m scared. All I have in this world is you and Sammy.”  
Everything he had just said to you made you feel like your head was swimming. Dean stared at you with a look you hadn’t ever seen him give you before.   
“Are you being serious?” you weren’t sure if this was some kind of joke, or if this was his twisted way of trying to get back in your good graces.   
He quickly pulled out the chair next to you and sat down next to you, “of course I’m being serious. Darling I’m sitting here putting myself on the line. I don’t ever do this. I have built up so many walls over my life and you have knocked them down. I have told myself since the moment I met you, I couldn’t get involved with you. I couldn’t let you get hurt, and by trying to save you I hurt you in the worst way possible, I broke your heart,” he reached over and sat his hand on top of yours.   
His touch still gave your butterflies, and suddenly your heart was fluttering.   
“So what happens now?” You asked needing to know what all this means.   
“Darling I don’t know exactly. I just need you to know that I love you and I’m sorry for being an asshole and confusing you,” he flipped your hand over and drew a circle on your calloused palm.   
“I love you Dean but I can’t go back to hunting with you guys and watching you hookup across the country. Like things don’t get to go back to how they used to be just because you said you love me,” you have to let him know you couldn’t deal with how things used to be.   
He leaned over towards you and took your round face in hands and held your face so you were looking right in his green eyes.  
“I’m not asking for things to be the old way, I love you so damn much and we’ll figure this out. I just need you fully in my life again. I need you riding along in baby rolling your pretty eyes at me when I say something stupid. I need someone to help me keep Sam in line, and I sure as hell need someone to share a bed with,” his mouth curled up a little with the last part. “My life isn’t complete without you.”  
“You’re lucky I love you so much that I can forgive you,” you say softly as he still held your face.   
“I’m sure as hell lucky you still love me.”  
He leaned forward smiling before pressing lips to yours for your first kiss since that innocent kiss you shared at midnight. Reaching forward your hands gripped his flannel shirt as your lips danced together. His soft lips gave you butterflies as sparks flew. This kiss was even better than the first one you shared all those years ago. You couldn’t help but smile as his lips were mere inches away from yours.   
“I have been waiting to properly do that for a long time.”  
Even when he left you completely heartbroken you wanted nothing more for him to tell you he loves you and to kiss you. Leaning forward you press your lips against his again. You aren’t sure if you’ll ever get enough of his lips. Your hands continued to grip his flannel holding him closer to you. Pulling yours lips away from his you take his hand in yours as you stand up.  
He looks up at you with soft look on his face.   
He stands and you look up at him with lust filled eyes. You knew a logical person would stop this at just kiss, but you aren’t thinking logical. Dean finally admitted to loving you and the only thing you could think of was showing him how much you love him.  
“Please don’t ever break my heart again.” you whisper as you reach up and start unbuttoning his flannel.  
His green eyes lock on yours as he says, “I won’t ever hurt you again.”  
“Okay,” you say softly as you finish unbuttoning his flannel.   
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks as you push his shirt off his broad shoulders.  
You nod your head as stands in front of you shirtless. Without even thinking you reached up resting your hand on his tone stomach. His bottom lip is captured between his teeth as he watches you.   
“I love you,” you whisper removed your hand from his warm skin.  
“I love you too,” he says it like he’s been saying it to you your whole life.  
His hands slowly move up and play with the button of your top. Biting your bottom lip you watch his every move. You had waited for this moment from the moment you met Dean. Closing your eyes you feel his calloused fingers run across the sensitive skin on your stomach.   
“Do you trust me?” his voice is slightly shaky as if he’s afraid you might actually say no.  
“I always have,” it was the truth even when you were completely heartbroken and angry at him, you still trusted him with your life.  
Slowly he unbuttoned your top leaving you standing in front of you in nothing but your bra and your jeans. He leans down so his lips brush against your ear and says, “let’s go to your room.”  
Taking his hand in your you lead him off to your room. He shuts the door behind you as you drop his hand.   
Soon both your jeans are off and you’re left standing in front of each other in your underwear. As your lips dance Dean’s lips are pressing against yours. Your lips part and he smiles at you. He reaches behind you to unclasp your bra. Standing in front of him completely bare from the waist up normally you would feel self conscious, but around Dean you didn’t feel that way.  
His strong hands hold your breast as he stares at you with a look of wonder. His simple touch gives you butterflies.   
“Lay down on the bed baby,” he says.  
Walking over to your bed you watch as Dean sheds his boxers so he’s left standing in front of you naked and proud. Reaching into his wallet he pulls out a foil packet. He tears the foil open with his teeth and slides the rubber down his hardened length.   
Resting on your elbows your knees are pushed together as you watch Dean walk closer to you. His hands rest on your knees as he gently opens your legs. The room is completely silent, the only thing that could be heard was gentle sound of wind outside and the sounds of your breathing. His lips press against the sensitive skin on the inside of your thighs. Butterflies flutter in your stomach in anticipation of what was about to come.   
His fingers hook into your underwear and he slides them down your thick thighs. He drops your underwear on the floor next to his boxers and your both left on your bed completely naked.   
“You’re so beautiful,” he says as he sits back on his knees.  
“So are you,” you say softly.  
“Are you sure you want this?” he asks.  
“I have wanted nothing more in my life then for you feel the same way that I feel,” you reach up taking his hand in yours.   
“I love you so much, but I don’t want this to happen just to prove that to you,” he says as he holds your hand.  
“We don’t have to do this for you to prove anything to me, I want this because I truly want you,” you look into his green eyes and watch as a smile spreads across his face.  
“Okay darling.”  
He moves so he hovering over your doughy body. He slowly slides into you causing a gasp to pass your lips. As he bottoms out his nose is pressed against yours and soundless moan passes his lips. Reaching up you hold his face in your hands. He pulls his face away slightly from yours so that his lust filled eyes are staring into yours. You hope you never forget the look on his face in that moment.  
Slowly he starts moving his hips into you. One of your hands stay resting on his cheek while other grips his shoulder. He’s stretching you in the best way possible and he feels like he’s made for you.   
Your bodies moved together and with each thrust he was pushing you closer and closer to the edge. All the stars felt like they were aligning with everything push and pull. You held his face in your hands once again as you moaned his name softly.   
“I’m close,” you say softly.  
Leaning forward he connects his lips to yours as his hips still. You look at him wided eyed unsure of why he’s stopping.   
“On your side baby,” he says as he pulls out of you. You roll over to your side and he moves so his body is pressed up behind you. He presses his lips to the bare skin of your shoulder before sliding into you once again. This new angle he’s hitting places that are driving you wild. He hooks his arm under your knee raising your leg. You moan his name with each thrust.   
As he moves into you at a quicker pace you feel the coil in your stomach start to tighten. His lips are pressed your bare skin on your shoulder.   
Closing your eyes you feel the wave crash over you. You moan his name as you reach your high. His lips are connected to your neck as his hips rolled into yours a few more times. With his final few thrust he moans your name.   
“I love you so much,” he murmurs as he pulls out of you. He’s laying on his back as he trying to catch his breath.   
You lay on your back and look over at him and you can’t help but smile. He reaches for you pulling you into his chest.   
Suddenly everything between you felt so right. As if you and Dean were always meant to be. The man who stole your heart was now holding your and openly admitting he loved you.   
“Darling are you going to start hunting with us again?” He ask catching your attention.   
You look up at him and smile before saying, “yeah you can let Sam know I’ll start hunting with you again.”  
“Good because Sam was about ready to kick my ass,” he said letting out a soft chuckle.   
“We wouldn’t want that to happen,” you say before pressing your lips to his chest.   
Dean and you spend the rest of the day curled up in your bed. It doesn’t take long before Dean’s ready for round two. He even spends the night with you and holds you while you sleep. You had never slept better in your life. It felt so wonderful to have the man you were madly in love with holding you and he felt the same way you do.


End file.
